Anxiety

All throughout my life I have battled some form of anxiety.  When I was a kid I played outside, was active and didn't notice it much. In high school I always tapped my pencil.  Never sat in my seat much. It wasn't till I was marries and my wide mentioned that my twitching, constant toe tapping and at night the shaking in the bed could be because of anxiety. 

The moments in hishchool where the world would slow down and I would race my thought. Who would have known those were panic attacks. I sit here in bed with my left and right feet only doing what I can describe as "wringing your hands motion". Heart rate increases and my eyes dart back and forth.

So if its not my heart its my back if its not my back its in my head blah! When can I be normal?  Well not normal normal just not always in pain /out of breath/weakness?

On a light note took mandy to see circ de sole tonight amazing!

10 days

10 days till I can see you again hug you.... will you have changed? Will you still be the same? I hope you will walk the straight and narrow because Im tired of chasing after your twists and turns. I get tired of calling after you only to have you never call back. I hope you will let me in let me help you with your hurt and brokeness I am broken too but not in the same way I van help you if you help me. We all make mistakes and I will forgive you if you forgive me. Will you pick up the phone when I call? Answer my texts instead of ignoring me? Its been almost 8 months without you but it feels like years so much has changed bit I still remain. I will love you no matter what but I must protect my family if you are not safe to be around I must love you from a far. Please please know I will try as long as you do I love you so.

Let your heart fly

So I'm 2 years post opp for my valve and something I have always wanted to do is go skydiving.  My wife is not very keen on the idea however It is something I have wanted to do my whole life. I guess I will just have to ask the Dr next Tuesday.

Living with a broken heart

Sitting here in my bed not sleeping tonight I decided to write on my never used blog.

I know I could always lived with a damaged heart or slightly repaired heart but now I must also live with a broken heart. On Monday February 20th 2012 my wife and I's bundle of joy turned to sheer panic. Something was wrong and this time I wasn't the one that had to bare all the medical problems. My wife and I lost what could have been our first child. We were so wrapped up in the child dealing with marfans that we never throught about not having a child at all. If we had the child we could go to a Dr. and work with it however what do you do if you aren't even given the chance.

There will always be a part of my heart that that child should have held. It will be a part that no matter how advanced medicine gets they will never be able to replace what I have lost this day.

So for now I will continue to love the two children I have in this world (cockers) I will shower them with all the love I have till God blesses me with a child of my flesh and blood.

Sad day to be a mutant.

Cortisone - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I just got Cortisone shots to try and subside the back pain.... could take 3-5 days for it to take hold.

Seeing someone with Marfan's older than me. . . ..

http://jrmarfan58.com/index.html I still have yet to meet anyone with Marfans other than myself. Reading Jon's website has opened my eyes to what a life with Marfan's can be. I have been through struggles but have yet to deal with the Aortic Dissection . Thinking about one day not being able to work and having to be on SSD is a scary thought, especially because my life has just started. 

Pneumonia Symptoms - Symptoms of Pneumonia

Pneumonia Symptoms - Symptoms of Pneumonia

Marfans patients tend to get Pnemonia more often than other people their age due to the connective tissues in the lungs. I just thought i had dodged that bullet these past two years. Woke up this morning 101.4 got out of bed and it was 102 great and i have the chills/cough/chestpain..........

Symptoms of pneumonia caused by bacteria in otherwise healthy people younger than 65 usually come on suddenly. They often start during or after an upper respiratory infection, such as influenza or a cold, and may include:

• Cough, often producing mucus (sputum) from the lungs. Mucus may be rusty or green or tinged with blood.
• Fever, which may be less common in older adults.
• Shaking, "teeth-chattering" chills (one time only or many times).
• Fast, often shallow, breathing and the feeling of being short of breath.
• Chest wall pain that is often made worse by coughing or breathing in.
• Fast heartbeat.
• Feeling very tired (fatigue) or feeling very weak (malaise).
• Nausea and vomiting